Netflix is a Joke.

At least when it comes to Sports coverage. That “Opening Night” bullshit was an absolute travesty. But what else would you expect on Rob Manfred’s watch? Keep the clown show rolling along. Let’s be real, I didn’t expect too much from Netflix for “Opening Night.” Celebrity cameos would be just fine, but this pregame, game and post game show all became one giant infomercial for Netflix. But why? If you were tuned into the game, then you are clearly already a Netflix subscriber and anytime you open up the service you are bombarded with recommendations for their latest and greatest releases to binge. Before we go any further, full disclosure, I love Netflix. I own the stock. I’ve been a subscriber since November of 2001. I’ve let cable tv slide away, but I won’t cancel my Netflix subscription. So this hate filled rant that I am about to embark on is being delivered by someone who truly loves the service.

Back to the rant…What the hell was that? It started out nicely with Barry Bonds, Albert Pujols and Anthony Rizzo for the pregame, but they tossed up nothing but softballs and fluff. As much as I think Stephen A Smith is a clown, I would have appreciated some hot takes on the state of the game, failed off seasons, steroid era chatter, etc… But instead it was just a bunch of pandering. I think the highlight was Bert Kreischer out in McCovey Cove, topless and freezing his nipples off while praising the party atmosphere for the pregame. It was more like a Greatful Dead show than a baseball game. This is San Francisco and you better believe our pregame is like a Greatful Dead show. Joints, beers, mushrooms, and a little Doc Eliis for ya. Hell yeah! What a long strange trip it’s been to get here.

How did we get here? The travesty that is opening night falls squarely on the shoulders of Manfred. It started innocently enough with ESPN and their bullshit Sunday Night Baseball broadcasts. One of the worst out there, but that aside, Opening day was traditionally the first Monday of April, but thanks to the never ending cash grab (how much did Adobe pay to sponsor this?) that is professional sports, a century old tradition has suffered. Last year’s bullshit with the Tokyo Series starting two weeks before the actual season was ridiculous. (blame it on Shoehei). Opening Day was sacred. Baseball from like 10am till midnight. Ahh, the glory. After 5 months of an offseason, that first Monday in April was so special. Yeah, I guess you could say I am a traditionalist. Not on everything though. I love the pitch clock, but hate the ghost runner in extra innings. Enlarged bases and limited throws to first, no thanks. ABS challenge is also a pass, but after witnessing how quickly it is resolved, I am ok with it. Baseball is a slow moving game and we like it that way. Sure, Home runs fill the highlight reels, but it’s the boring minutiae that truly makes the game special. It’s a day at the park after all. No reason to speed it up, just grab another beer and sit back as time inches forward slowly.

So here are my thoughts on “Opening Night”. I already knew Netflix was going to bombard us with promotions for their upcoming shows and specials, but did we really need a crossover every inning? sheesh. They were over the top with that stuff. What does Stranger Things have to do with baseball? I just found it derivative and insulting to my intelligence. What the hell were the 73 kayaks out in the cove for? I understand the significance of the number, but what a useless shitshow. At least we didn’t have to see McCovey Dave. I enjoyed the NYC Yellow cabs and the S.F. Trolley at the introduction of the starting lineups, but this had way more of an WWE feel than MLB. Fail. You could have at least brought out the Rock! The cast that called the game; Hunter Pence, CC Sabathia and Matt Vasgersian were A+. They nailed it here, but the guests that came by for in game interviews were again just tossed softballs. We didn’t learn a thing, other than some aimless cheerleading. What I wouldn’t give to have 5 minutes of questions with Rob Manfred. He would block me on twitter asap, just like John Heyman did. Lol. snowflakes. Not featuring Donnie Baseball and Will the Thrill was an epic fail. I could forgive all this if they just would have nailed the coverage of the game. Commercial breaks were too long and they repeatedly returned after missing a pitch or two. You get 150 seconds to sell commercials in between innings. You couldn’t monetize that properly and on time? The Score Bug disappeared a few times due to technical difficulties. What’s the count again? The postgame Netflix Opening Day MVP awards were just silly. There is no opening day MVP. You can’t just make up awards. Shouts to Max Fried and Trent Grisham for their blank stares and cautious approach to the Mission Dogs they were trying to push on them. They both resisted, which is a smart move. If you’ve ever eaten a Mission Dog, you already know you can’t find a bathroom quickly enough. My stomach is rumbling just from writing about those dogs. Give me a Sabrett with sauerkraut and onion sauce and yellow mustard any day!

In contrast, Apple TV has awesome baseball coverage on Friday’s. We’ve watched Amazon Prime reimagine what pro football can be and they are absolutely killing the game with their coverage and the post game concerts. They both manage to promote their content and not ruin the integrity of the broadcast. Netflix, I expected more from you, but then again, you are Hollywood so I’m the fool. Not you.

I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t be so upset if it wasn’t my boys from the Bronx playing my other boys from across the bay for opening night. There is so much history between these two teams and Netflix just glossed over it. I attended the actual “Opening Day” game yesterday and yes, I slammed some beers (Trumer Pils, we support the locs). Did my own 9×9×9 challenge out in McCovey Cove with my friends pre game. S.F style. 9 joints, 9 beers and then 9 innings! (this may explain why this post is so delayed.) Baseball is back and we don’t have to watch another real game on Netflix this season. Yay! Play ball!